Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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