What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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