I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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