I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
