He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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