Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
