oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
