I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
