remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
