Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
