Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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