ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
