so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
