matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
