I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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