Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
