i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
