If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
