you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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