This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
