I think im going to throw up on grandma
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They took my balls.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
