and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
