if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
