i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
