I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
