I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
