Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
