i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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