operation harelip BJ is a go
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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