if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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