I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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