It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
