Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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