I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
