Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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