I wannas sexs uuuuu
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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