I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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