i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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