Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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