My first STD was from a foam party
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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