so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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