i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
