Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
