That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
