he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
