I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I think people are normalizing furries
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
