My boss' voice literally gives me gas
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
