Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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