You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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