I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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