At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
