Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
