bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
