i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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