Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
